Contributor:
Joy Bollinger

Have you ever struggled to forgive someone, or possibly you are currently struggling with forgiveness? If so, count yourself among the multitudes who have that war waging within their soul. As long as there is breath in us, there will be opportunities to be offended.

One of the most powerful testimonies of forgiveness is found in the Old Testament story of Joseph. His brothers’ jealousy and hatred for the seventeen-year-old, caused them to plot his murder. Instead, their brother, Reuben, convinced them to sell Joseph to a caravan of Midianites passing through the country. The Midianites then sold him to Potiphar, who was one of Pharaoh’s officials and the captain of the guard (Genesis 37:36).

Joseph, from his youngest years, had a steadfast faith in God, knowing that His providential hand was upon him. His faith and unreserved trust in God would give Joseph strength for what was to come.

Joseph served Potiphar for three years and then spent approximately ten years in prison for a crime of which he was falsely accused. Eventually, after a series of events, he was released to interpret Pharaoh’s disturbing dreams. He told Pharaoh that there would be seven years of prosperity and seven years of famine and that in those years of prosperity, surplus grain needed to be stored to carry the nation through the coming famine. Joseph found favor in Pharaoh’s eyes and was made vizier, the second most powerful man in Egypt next to Pharaoh.

During the famine, Joseph’s brothers traveled to Egypt from Canaan. Not recognizing Joseph, they stood before him to ask if they might purchase grain. After a series of events, Joseph eventually revealed his identity to his brothers, who then became terrified. They feared for their lives, because of their sin against Joseph, who was now the second most powerful man in Egypt. Their fate was clearly in his hands. However, the unexpected happened.

Joseph extended immense kindness, mercy, grace, and unconditional forgiveness to his brothers and said, “’Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.  So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them (Genesis 50:19-21).

Joseph had every reason to be bitter and unforgiving, yet he consistently trusted God throughout his life. He recognized that all that happened to him was for a greater purpose; therefore, because of that trust, he was able to show an amazing level of forgiveness towards his brothers.

We must never forget that what the enemy intends for evil, God has the power to use it to accomplish His will and to bless us. For “we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

Forgiveness brings healing and blessings to the one who forgives. Unforgiveness closes the channels to God, who provides wisdom, guidance, revelation, healing, and restoration. When we comprehend the breadth, length, depth, and height of God’s love for us through the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ, how can we not forgive? Jesus, in unimaginable pain and agony, looked to heaven from the cross and said, “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34 NIV).

True forgiveness comes when we understand that forgiveness, like love, is not a feeling; it is a choice that we make through the power of Christ’s shed blood. Neither is forgiveness an option. “If you refuse to forgive others, your Father [God] will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:15 NLT). Thus, unforgiveness is an act of disobedience that stops God’s blessings.

Granted, there are times when the crime, action, or behavior is so heinous that we cannot justify forgiving that person. In my case, I struggled to forgive my ex-husband for things that had happened in our marriage, however, forgiveness is a process.

In the beginning of my journey to forgive, I felt like a hypocrite, because I did not “feel” like praying for my ex-husband. Regardless, I chose to obey Jesus’ command, “I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be [children] of your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:44 NKJV). So, each day, for almost a year, I prayed for him, until one day, I realized that compassion, mercy, and forgiveness had replaced pain, bitterness, and unforgiveness.

Forgiveness does not condone the actions of that person. Rather, it sets the injured party free from the bondage of hate, which destroys us emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically. Unforgiveness literally has the power to make us sick, even to the point of death. Unforgiveness can drive us to make rash decisions that yield permanent, negative consequences. Unforgiveness breeds seeds of hatred that choke out love for oneself and for others. That is why our hearts must be kept with all diligence, for out of it flow the issues of life (Proverbs 4:23).

God has called us to be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other as God has forgiven us through His Son (Ephesians 4:31-32). For we are to be “imitators of God,” loving as Christ loved us and gave His life for us (Ephesians 5:1-2).

If you have struggled with forgiving someone—maybe even God—be encouraged in knowing that forgiveness will set you free from the bondage of pain, resentment, and hate that can become a soul-eating cancer. True forgiveness can only come when we pray for our offender.

A cautionary warning: Verbally repeating the mantra, “I forgive…” will never free you, because it is not coming from the heart. Only praying daily for the offender can open your heart, so that God can do a work in those areas of pain and brokenness. Once you step into an attitude of prayer, the day will come when you too will be able to give your testimony of forgiveness and freedom.

PRAYER: FATHER, Your Word reminds me that forgiveness is not an option but a command. I choose to forgive (name the person(s) and ask that You forgive me. Heal my soul and restore the broken areas of my life. Show me how to pray each day for (name(s) that I may be set free from painful memories that have kept me in bondage. In Jesus’ name, amen.