Death, though unfortunate, is promised to all living things. However, for the believer who has surrendered their heart to Christ, death escorts that believer into the presence of the Lord. So, when losing someone, we who remain, should not ignore or discount our pain of loss, because it is a stark reality of life.
My husband, Michael, graduated to his heavenly home in April of 2021. At that time my mindset was to be strong for the family, so I buried my grief deep within and focused on moving forward. But then, two days after Christmas of 2024, I had to put down my beloved twenty-year-old toy poodle, Brandi. She had been a great comfort and joy for me since my husband’s passing. Unfortunately, I became dependent upon her presence as a source of comfort.
The day that Brandi passed, I experienced an unexpected culmination of grief that rocked my very core and hit me like a tsunami. I had not allowed myself to truly grieve when my husband passed, so Brandi’s passing triggered an overwhelming and heart-wrenching grief that evolved into wailing sobs.
One thing I have learned is that mourning a loss is one of the hardest seasons that we all face. However, mourning is a natural and necessary part of life. Unfortunately, I had not allowed myself to process grief nor acknowledge the pain of losing my husband. Ultimately, I was not able to truly heal after my husband passed.
Fortunately, the loss of my precious fur-baby, triggered that unresolved pain that had prevented my permission to grieve. However, mourning is a natural and necessary part of the human experience when suffering a significant loss. By finally allowing that process of grief and acknowledging my deep pain from both losses, God then had permission to start healing my heart, mind, body, spirit and soul. For there can be no closure and real peace until that process takes place.
Those who experience a loss, whether it be a family member, a friend, a pet, a friendship, or a broken marriage, we must give ourselves permission to grieve, which I did not do when my husband passed. Permission to grieve acknowledges and processes painful emotions associated with loss. Suppressing grief can lead to long-term emotional and physical health issues. Therefore, it is critical to actively engage with our feelings so that we can move forward after a loss.
Grief is a natural part of life, but it’s not meant to be a continual state, for there is “A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance” (Ecclesiastes 3:4). For God is the God of all comfort. He tells us that “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted (Matthew 5:4). “[He] comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). And if we allow, He will heal our broken heart and bind up our wounds (Psalm 147:3).
God gives us permission to take the necessary time to mourn. But we must acknowledge our feelings, allow time to grieve and take care of our physical and mental health by seeking support from loved ones, friends, or even a therapist. Unfortunately, when my husband passed, I did none of those things. Consequently, I lost a dangerous amount of weight placing me far below acceptable standards for my height and also suffered what was medically diagnosed as “broken heart syndrome” which created lasting effects.
Following Brandi’s passing, God gave me some biblical steps that are required to find healing from loss:
· Seek the Lord for His comfort, wisdom, and His biblical perspective. “Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you” (I Peter 5:7).
· Understand that grief is a process that cannot be rushed. Therefore, we have all assurance that, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).
· Acknowledge the loss and allow yourself to experience a vast range of emotions. “Weeping may stay for the night, but joy comes within the morning (Psalm 30:5).
· Seek support from loved ones and/or fellow Christians so that together you can “bear one another’s burdens and so fulfil the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).
· Allow yourself time to grieve and be comforted by God who is all comfort and comforts us in our troubles (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).
· Be patient with yourself and know that God has a plan for you and your welfare and not for evil but to give you a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11).
With significant loss, a reality sets in that life will not feel quite the same again. But in time, if we allow ourselves to grieve, that sorrow will eventually ease as the heart and mind began to heal and gradually accept the loss. However, if we try to ignore the pain of loss by pushing it down, the pain will intensify and eventually manifest in negative ways as it did for me.
My entire attitude and mission had been to protect my family and friends by showing a strong front and being non-emotional. Unfortunately, because I hid my emotions, most of my family saw me as a strong woman, when in fact, I was fooling myself, my family, and my friends. The only person who was not fooled was my son. He knows me well enough to see that I was not allowing myself to grieve. Until recently, I had argued that all was fine, but it was the death of my sweet Brandi that triggered that unresolved pain from losing my husband.
God understands mourning because He mourned over His beloved Israel as He said, “If you had known, even you, especially in this your day, the things that make for your peace” (Luke 19:41-42). He knows hurt and wants to comfort us through His Word, prayer, and worship. He wants to console and help us heal, but we must cooperate.
God desires to heal the broken heart and is waiting for permission to work in our lives and to bring needed healing, comfort, and consolation. Once we accept the process of mourning, then we can start to heal which then allows us to remember those sweet moments we shared with those whom we loved and to be grateful for the time we had with them.
PRAYER: FATHER, thank you for ______________ whom you put in my life for a season. Help me to rest in You and find that beautiful peace and joy that I once knew. For I know that restoration is not dependent on any one thing or person, because You alone are the Source of all peace, joy, and comfort. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Image by Gerd Altman from Pixabay